I lift my eyes up to the hills from where will my strength come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made the heaven and earth. -Psalm 121
For some, the word “church” may have your hair standing on edge. That is okay. What is not okay is being told that you would not feel this way if you prayed more often or if you just believed more.
Here’s the honest truth. Even if we prayed more, there’s a good chance we would still be in the same spot. We would still be timing our entrance into the church, so we walked in with a group of people making it easier to slip in unnoticed. We would still sit on the far side of the pew, so we don’t get trapped in the middle. And we will still panic when a guest sits in our seat. None of that will change.
But the good news is, God loves you anyway. Think about it. You are fighting the toughest battle. A battle between you and your mind. Yet, you still choose to come worship God. You are presenting God with the best of your harvest, yourself.
God does not expect you to be perfect. He showers you with the strength to worship Him even amidst our battles. Even on the days we feel we can’t pull ourselves out of bed, God is right there saying He loves you. He desires you. He will give you strength.
Here is a prayer I hope you come back to when you feel anxiety about church:
Father, You are all powerful. Today I do not have the strength to fight myself to go to church. Lord, let me lean on You. Calm all these voices telling me I don’t belong and let me hear You saying that You desire me. Lord, thank you for loving me for who I am. Amen.
Please remember that you are not alone. If you so feel led, what aspects of church trigger your anxiety?
© 2018 Kiersten Smeal